Rock stars need an awesome band name

So you've used the newly released Rock Star Name Generator to get your rock star name, but let's be honest: most rock stars don't start out as a solo act. Usually that comes later, after your overinflated ego results in a breakup with your band over "creative differences". Then you launch a solo career of mediocre music that sounds vaguely like your previous group, but suckier and lonelier.

So you need a band. Or maybe you just need an awesome band name first, then perhaps you can persuade some musicians to join your band because the name is so awesome.

Well, have we got a solution for you! Whether you have a band or not, be prepared to get an awesome band name with our new Band Name Generator!

Based on the latest, highly secretive (and incredibly lucrative) name generation technology here at GangstaName Labs, the Band Name Generator will take your name, run it through some highly complex analysis algorithms, and deliver to you the perfect band name.

Our band names are generally good for rock bands, but there is a lot of variability built into this generator. For example, you might get a thrash metal band name, a jazz quartet band name, a Christian rock band name, or even a reggae band name.

And thanks to an incredible new feature with this name generator, you now get a selection of alternate names, just in case you don't like the one you get.

For example, my name generates a band name of "Greased Pratfall", but I also get these super sweet alternate names to choose from:

• The Succubuses
• Gangsta J & The Fusion Lollygags
• Hungerschwing
• The Fried Blues Light Orchestra

There isn't a band name there that wouldn't work perfectly for your group of musical virtuosos. Choose an alternate band name, OR just have them on hand for side projects and secret shows. Fans love that shit!

So go get your band name now, and don't forget us little people when you're rich, famous and living like an eccentric hermit on your own private island. 

Introducing the Rock Star Name Generator

Our highly skilled team of name generation scientists has created a new name generator near and dear to their hearts: The Rock Star Name Generator.

See, before they chose to become men and women of science, many of our megalomaniacal staff had dreams of being rock stars themselves. That is, until they realized that the odds of actually becoming a rock star are somewhere up there with being struck by lightening and attacked by a shark at the same time.

Yes, some of our scientists unbelievably gave up a life of slumming it on the road in a dirty van once owned by a child molester, working for enough money to buy gas to get them half way to the next gig. Instead, they chose the highly lucrative alternative to rock stardom: academia!

The ways of reason, research, and university politics naturally led them here, to GangstaName. (Don't confuse us with Google. That's the other big tech company around here.)

The Rock Star Name Generator is still in its early development phase, i.e. tuning for funny, bug testing, and demon exorcising. But we are releasing it now, to you, as a soft launch. You know, just to like, see what happens.

Enjoy!

Kat Dahlia sings "Gangsta", actually IS gangsta

Kat Dahlia was shitfaced and zippin' around Miami in her baller 2013 Nissan (lawls wut?) when the cops decided to end that little joyride. Girl got all uppity and tried to fight the Po'!

Guess she's keepin' it real. Yeah, REAL DUMB.

‘Gangsta’ Singer Kat Dahlia Arrested For DUI

Hot girl FAILS are gangsta

Best fails ever?

Ice Skater Johnny Weir is gangsta

Olympic ice skater Johnny Weir is probably not what you think of when you think of a hard-ass gangsta. You probably think more like, "insane, frilly outfits" or "ice skating genius" or "super gay". Not that there's anything wrong with any of those. Even people in insane, frilly outfits should be able to marry if they want to.

In an example of art imitatin' thug life, Johnny be sportin' a gangsta look, complete with "LOVE" brass knuckles. He just be needin' a grill to complete tha' look.

My thug look. Spreading my love... @ Candlewyck Diner instagr.am/p/WA_WyDhhWR/
— Johnny Weir-Voronov (@JohnnyGWeir) February 22, 2013

Calling it: You will see a Harlem Shake pr0nz edition very soon

The Harlem Shake videos were hilarious for a day or two, then they started getting old. Then people realized that, duh, you can keep anything going longer than it should by adding hot girls into the mix. Hence, Harlem Shake videos with mad hotties in bikinis, booty poppin' an' everything. PEEP:

Yes, it has been kept real.

The next natural step in this progression? Harlem Shake pr0n videos. I'm calling dat shiz first!

"Gangsta rapper" killed in crazy Vegas shooting

And no, I'm not just late to the game learning about Tupac getting offed. Another crazy-ass shooting on the Vegas strip on Thursday ended up in a blowed-up cab, a crashed Maserati and three dead dudes. Turns out one of those dead dudes is none other than Oaktown rapper Kenny Clutch. (I know, never heard of him either.)

The dude has a couple gun charges from the past, but was otherwise described as a pretty chilled-out gangsta. But the rumors on the innernets are sayin' Clutch was big time dealin'. Based on the quality of his raps, that rumor seems to have some credibility. I'm pretty sure no labels were advancing him the kind of money that could afford a Maz, because his rappin' be turrible.

Oscar Pistorius is not gangsta for killing his hot girlfriend

Being gangsta does not mean just shooting anything that moves. Life isn't a game of Grand Theft Auto, fool. Real gangsta-ass gangstas be judicious n' sh*t. They know when to square up and when to shut up. The also know that bringin' harm to a female is about the most shameful thing a gangsta can be doin'.

Bringing harm to a smoking hot female is even more egregious a crime in my book, which is why this is all I have to say is this:

Oscar Pistorious is not gangsta. He is a stupid, legless dick.

In honor of the late, smoking hot Reeva Steenkamp I do put forth this sweet ass gallery for all over Internet eternity in her honor, and as a reminder to keep your gats holstered unless you know for sure that you about to blast some poor fool who actually deserves it. And even then, I don't recommend it. (The nightmares!) More pics after the jump.

Grannies are gangsta

You probably didn't know this, but grannies are gangsta. There's a whole damn book about the subject, called Gangsta Granny. On its way to becoming a New York Times bestsella', son!

From the esteemed review, from some limey-ass fools:

Ben's humdrum granny isn't all she seems. She's your typical granny, but she has a dark secret... She's an international jewel thief! Maybe grannies aren't so dull after all?

No, they aren't! I'm callin' up my grandmama now. Gonna ask if she ever capped any fools.

Gettin' an Asian tattoo with all your bros is gangsta

If there's one thing that's a sign of a forward-thinking person, it's a tattoo. Even more so are tattoos in Asian writing because, you know, that sh*t's profound n' sh*t. Confucius was Asian! (I wonder if Asians get tattoos of stuff in English on them, you know, because Shakespeare!)

This dude-sandwich of dudes, who are obviously not gay, but just a close-knit bunch of dudes who felt strongly enough to be bound by mutual Asian profundity, clearly know a gangsta tattoo when they see one. Don't tell them that it really means totally not gay paleface partner of hard buddy team.

Uh huh.

Nuthin' But A G Thang

Happy damn Friday. Remember when rap was this awesome?

How to take a proper gangsta-ass self-portrait

Everyone knows that the best self-portraits are taken the the bathroom, using a mirror, with your cell phone camera. If this wasn't the best way to take your pic, then why does everyone do it? Awww hell.

Real gangsta-ass dudes need to have a gun in their photo and that's on the real. Even harder is to aim the thing at the camera so that everyone is looking down the barrel, like you're just about to die by this crazy dude's hand.

But the hardest pose is to do that self-portrait in the bathroom, with a mirror, and aiming the gun at the camera. That is top notch gangsta-ass photography.

Crappin' dollaz is gangsta

I wish I could put on a diaper, let loose and make mad stacks. Usually when I let loose, I make a different kind of mad stack. There is air freshener involved. This gangsta, however, has the ideal talent. It's the next best thing to havin' a money tree.

Maaan, Beyoncé faked that sh*t

So Beyoncé faked it. Women are known to fake it from time to time -- not a huge deal. I actually wish more people would use a vocal track over their crappy rendition of the national anthem. Like this girl:


But at Obama's inauguration, Beyoncé? Really, girl? Guess she had more important things to do than practice. Of course, she said it was just this once. YEAHHHH.

Here's how it went down, according to our man on the scene:

Girls with guns are gangsta

Happy damn Friday! You can ban assault weapons, but luckily, hot girls will always be legal.

White kids are gangsta

Being gangsta ain't just a black thing, brown thing, purple thing, whatever. White kids are gangsta, too. Peep it.

Homeboy in the back with the facepalm! Come on, man. You know Big Poppa got it goin' on.

Nunchuks, knives and a visit to the ATM fo' some twenties. GANGSTA!

Throw up ya' set! West ... chester, 'sup! That dude has the Guinness record for the longest human torso.

Ohhhh, sheeeeeit, someone is about to win an ugly sweater contest!

"Right after I wipe this kid's butt, Imma kill some fools!" GANGSTA!

Wal-Mart is gangsta

What, you thought that having lots of part-time employees with no benefits, paying dudes below the poverty line, wasn't gangsta? Well, you'd be wrong. That is gangsta. Capitalism is a mofo, and only the cream rises to the top. This dude with sweet knuckle tats knows what's up.

Twilight is gangsta

Edward or Jacob? Just playin', fool! That's shi*t's hella wack. Apparently, these gangstas didn't get the memo. Or maybe they got the memo, and they can't read. Or maybe they got the memo and can read, but don't know what "Twilight effing sucks!" means. Oh well.

If he misses with the shotgun, his vampire backup will get you.

Your identity is secret, but we do know you're a Twi-hard.

WTF? Is that a Leatherman tool, dude? Don't get all multi-tool on me.

Among gangstas, it seems like the resounding answer to the question is "Edward". Wait, how do I even know that dude's name? Awwww sheeeit. Outed!

Barak Obama is gangsta

I mean, obviously. Guy is sweet as hayell. Here he is looking mad balla with that jersey chain. He usually sports it under his suits on the DL, when he's being all presidential and whatnot, but here he's flying it proud. That's my dude right there!

Majoring in pimpin', with a minor in hip hop

Them crazy-ass dudes down there in the AZ are blowing my mind. First, they want to give e'rbody a gun, even though that ambassador or whatever got shot. Then they want to chase all the brown people back to Mexico. Place is crazy.

Now, they lettin' you get a minor in hip hop, and that's on the real. Imma hit that up when I make my way down there to teach Pimpin' 101 to some U of A college girls. WuuuuuuT!