Ice Skater Johnny Weir is gangsta

Olympic ice skater Johnny Weir is probably not what you think of when you think of a hard-ass gangsta. You probably think more like, "insane, frilly outfits" or "ice skating genius" or "super gay". Not that there's anything wrong with any of those. Even people in insane, frilly outfits should be able to marry if they want to.

In an example of art imitatin' thug life, Johnny be sportin' a gangsta look, complete with "LOVE" brass knuckles. He just be needin' a grill to complete tha' look.

My thug look. Spreading my love... @ Candlewyck Diner instagr.am/p/WA_WyDhhWR/
— Johnny Weir-Voronov (@JohnnyGWeir) February 22, 2013

Calling it: You will see a Harlem Shake pr0nz edition very soon

The Harlem Shake videos were hilarious for a day or two, then they started getting old. Then people realized that, duh, you can keep anything going longer than it should by adding hot girls into the mix. Hence, Harlem Shake videos with mad hotties in bikinis, booty poppin' an' everything. PEEP:

Yes, it has been kept real.

The next natural step in this progression? Harlem Shake pr0n videos. I'm calling dat shiz first!

"Gangsta rapper" killed in crazy Vegas shooting

And no, I'm not just late to the game learning about Tupac getting offed. Another crazy-ass shooting on the Vegas strip on Thursday ended up in a blowed-up cab, a crashed Maserati and three dead dudes. Turns out one of those dead dudes is none other than Oaktown rapper Kenny Clutch. (I know, never heard of him either.)

The dude has a couple gun charges from the past, but was otherwise described as a pretty chilled-out gangsta. But the rumors on the innernets are sayin' Clutch was big time dealin'. Based on the quality of his raps, that rumor seems to have some credibility. I'm pretty sure no labels were advancing him the kind of money that could afford a Maz, because his rappin' be turrible.

Oscar Pistorius is not gangsta for killing his hot girlfriend

Being gangsta does not mean just shooting anything that moves. Life isn't a game of Grand Theft Auto, fool. Real gangsta-ass gangstas be judicious n' sh*t. They know when to square up and when to shut up. The also know that bringin' harm to a female is about the most shameful thing a gangsta can be doin'.

Bringing harm to a smoking hot female is even more egregious a crime in my book, which is why this is all I have to say is this:

Oscar Pistorious is not gangsta. He is a stupid, legless dick.

In honor of the late, smoking hot Reeva Steenkamp I do put forth this sweet ass gallery for all over Internet eternity in her honor, and as a reminder to keep your gats holstered unless you know for sure that you about to blast some poor fool who actually deserves it. And even then, I don't recommend it. (The nightmares!) More pics after the jump.

Grannies are gangsta

You probably didn't know this, but grannies are gangsta. There's a whole damn book about the subject, called Gangsta Granny. On its way to becoming a New York Times bestsella', son!

From the esteemed review, from some limey-ass fools:

Ben's humdrum granny isn't all she seems. She's your typical granny, but she has a dark secret... She's an international jewel thief! Maybe grannies aren't so dull after all?

No, they aren't! I'm callin' up my grandmama now. Gonna ask if she ever capped any fools.

Gettin' an Asian tattoo with all your bros is gangsta

If there's one thing that's a sign of a forward-thinking person, it's a tattoo. Even more so are tattoos in Asian writing because, you know, that sh*t's profound n' sh*t. Confucius was Asian! (I wonder if Asians get tattoos of stuff in English on them, you know, because Shakespeare!)

This dude-sandwich of dudes, who are obviously not gay, but just a close-knit bunch of dudes who felt strongly enough to be bound by mutual Asian profundity, clearly know a gangsta tattoo when they see one. Don't tell them that it really means totally not gay paleface partner of hard buddy team.

Uh huh.

Nuthin' But A G Thang

Happy damn Friday. Remember when rap was this awesome?

How to take a proper gangsta-ass self-portrait

Everyone knows that the best self-portraits are taken the the bathroom, using a mirror, with your cell phone camera. If this wasn't the best way to take your pic, then why does everyone do it? Awww hell.

Real gangsta-ass dudes need to have a gun in their photo and that's on the real. Even harder is to aim the thing at the camera so that everyone is looking down the barrel, like you're just about to die by this crazy dude's hand.

But the hardest pose is to do that self-portrait in the bathroom, with a mirror, and aiming the gun at the camera. That is top notch gangsta-ass photography.

Crappin' dollaz is gangsta

I wish I could put on a diaper, let loose and make mad stacks. Usually when I let loose, I make a different kind of mad stack. There is air freshener involved. This gangsta, however, has the ideal talent. It's the next best thing to havin' a money tree.

Maaan, Beyoncé faked that sh*t

So Beyoncé faked it. Women are known to fake it from time to time -- not a huge deal. I actually wish more people would use a vocal track over their crappy rendition of the national anthem. Like this girl:


But at Obama's inauguration, Beyoncé? Really, girl? Guess she had more important things to do than practice. Of course, she said it was just this once. YEAHHHH.

Here's how it went down, according to our man on the scene:

Girls with guns are gangsta

Happy damn Friday! You can ban assault weapons, but luckily, hot girls will always be legal.